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I have been pondering on this for several years and I’ll appreciate the inputs of good people on this forum.
Way before I got married,I had considered that should I encounter any delay in childbearing,I would be open to ‘unconventional’ means like IVF, Surrogacy or adoption.
Thankfully,I didn’t encounter any delay and my husband and I have had 2 kids.I am not keen to have any more kids but my husband is open to more so we are keeping our fingers for a few more years.
Despite having completed my family (maybe temporarily), I have always kept on my mind the urge to volunteer to be a surrogate for another family.Why not since pregnancy treats me really well,my body snaps right back and I hardly experience that postpartum drag, it’s a superpower I feel bad about going to waste since I probably won’t be having anymore kids for myself.
Over the years,I have encountered couples I would gladly have engaged in this conversation but every time I run it past my husband (before I get their hopes up) he shoots the idea down.
I found it quite odd at first until I read about a woman who after 2 kids died during childbirth as a surrogate for another couple. That was scary for me but it didn’t quite dampen the desire.
The first couple I spoke to him about are friends of ours who have been making efforts and he said he appreciates my kindness but that this is Nigeria where nothing is black and white and he wouldn’t want any troubles as a result of it.
I paused for a bit.
We have all been friends for a while since we were all single and there’s an adage in Yoruba that translates to ‘Communual eating isn’t sweet if one person doesn’t contribute’ and there has been that silent wedge even though it’s often ignored.
For me, I can hardly see the downside to this,granted I will have to pause my career for just a few months during the advanced stage or early postpartum phase but that pales in comparison to going on the journey with a friend who can be a part of it every step of the way,can come to Antenatal and ultrasound scans..it’s exciting to me.They will be rest assured that I will be taking all the right steps to ensure perfectly healthy babies.Please bear in mind that the baby(ies) will be 100% theirs (husband’s sperm and his wife’s eggs),I will just be a happy incubator.
There are legal aspects I am happy to follow through as they please and this is no quest for financial gains as my family is more than comfortable.
I also have a cousin who has been trying for a baby but has medical conditions which have hindered this so far and I will do this for her in a heartbeat but I have to convince my husband to allow me.
I have been having sleepless nights about it and I’m hoping that since it’s family this time,he won’t hesitate to give me his blessings considering it’s a sacrifice for him as well.This is the only time I can take this break in my career and I want it to be meaningful.
God answers prayers in diverse ways,maybe this is it for my cousin.
Husbands in the house,how will you react to such a request from your spouse?
Wives,can you volunteer to be a surrogate?
Parents-to-be,will you allow known persons to be surrogates for you or have you considered any downsides to it?