I Feel So Suicidal Because Of My Marriage.

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It is really terrible to feel suicidal all because of marriage. I use use to see different news of how people commit suicide because of relationships and I always felt it was so stupid to think of suicide just because of a fail relationship.

Now I have seen it all clear that depression is really very bad especially when you feel so depressed in a marriage you work so hard and do everything to protect and make your family happy. Its very painful when you know honestly inside your heart that you don’t cheat on your wife, provide everything she wants for herself and the kids even when business is quite rough.

She has no conscience and no regard for our union and our home. I am a guy that don’t think about looking at wife’s phone or suspecting her for anything but then after our first child she changed completely and as of today I don’t know were I stand anymore because of my kids. I opened a business for her just so that she won’t be like a house wife but she has completely taken the business more important than the family and wake up 4am to start cooking and close 8pm at night. Stressing herself so much but always complaining business is not moving and she is not making any money.

I sponsor everything in the home though am not complaining because that’s what a man should do, but she does not have regard for anything or appreciate anything I do. Can you imagine I give her money for feeding weekly even though she is running a food business, she buys few food stuffs in the house which can stay almost two weeks without us eating them because we basically feed from food she cooks in her restaurant. I decided not to bother myself and just give her money to always ensure her business is moving and at least food will not be a problem for us.

One faithful day, I decided to check her phone because I observed a certain strange behavior about her and how she likes to off her phone at night or sometimes when I am around. I saw different chats with some two guys she claimed one was her ex boyfriend that just likes to check on her once in a while, and the other guy was someone I remember like coming to eat in her restaurant but she said they went to school together and he is working with a construction company doing a building project close to her restaurant. She also claimed that when they were in school he was asking her out even till they fished school but she preferred her ex boyfriend to him and when she had issues with her ex that was when I came into her life.

If the story she told me is true or not, I wasn’t really bothered anymore because I know its normal for a woman you met at 26 years to have met other guys before you and obviously still has guys that don’t respect people’s marriage and still do anything to sleep with a married woman. But my paid now is because I feel so respected by many of the things she does and when I think of divorce, I only feel for my kids who will now have to grow up with another man or having to visit their mum and see her with another man.

Recently I have become so depressed that I have been thinking of suicide so that my kids will know their dad is no more rather than knowing that their dad is still alive but can only be with either daddy or mummy and not as a complete family. My depression is getting worse especially when I think about all I have done for her and the kids just to always make them happy but in return, she doest appreciate or even have any regard anymore for what is called “FAMILY”

Over 7 years now and at this point I really feel suicidal. Please I really need help because I make this big mistake.

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